The other day a woman comes in wearing a cocker spaniel fur coat. I don't know how to describe her as anything but vulgar and vile, even by the looks of her. Her lipstick was bright red. The reason I noticed is because her lips were obviously over-inflated with fat that could have been found anywhere on her person. You see, her body resembled Ursula's on The Little Mermaid. She had a thick New England accent. And I bet she likes Dave Matthews Band because she thinks they are hip. Anyways, she is looking at the chocolates and one catches her attention. Literally the third thing she says to me is, "That looks like an uncircumcised penis." If you know me, then you know that it takes a lot to leave me speechless. However, this woman left me flabbergasted. I say, "I would say that it looks more like a frog's eyeball or the MTV's Moon Man helmet... But ok... umm... Freud would have a lot to say about you... Where do we go from here?" Without hesitation this disgusting little woman demands, "So do you have free samples?" I murmur, "Seems like you get plenty, or not enough really." I gather myself and reply, "We don't give out samples of the chocolates, but if there is a flavor of ice cream that you wanted to try, you are more than welcome."

This woman has inspired me to create the Classy Bitch of the Week Award. What is the prize you ask? A junk punch. Which I am almost positive that this woman would either pay for, or extremely enjoy.