In Provo, UT one is able to elicit a response simply by using certain four-letter words. In San Francisco, CA, no one gives a shit. What am I supposed to do in order to shock people? I have learned the answer is overt racism, and then accusing others of anti-semitism. Visiting Provo again, I forgot that a simple dirty word does the trick and accidentally let slip some racially charged remark. I thought heads were going to explode. While in an apartment tonight somebody said, "You know what no one is talking about?..." Which I kind of already have a problem with. That isn't a question, and there is likely no chance that I know what no one is talking about because no one is talking about it. If I did know, then the subject would indeed be a not uncommon topic of conversation. So I respond out of turn blurting out, "Interracial marriage." There were several brown people in attendance and everyone goes quiet and stares at me. "What? They aren't. Not even Tyra." Only one person laughed. Whoops.

There use to be a saying, "I'm Swayze," in reference to his role in Ghost. In other words, "I'm out of here." Now that he is dead, am I still allowed to say this? Can I request being Swayze post-Dirty Dancing pre-Roadhouse? I want to be frosted-tips mulleted glory days Swayze. I want to be Swayze without the pancreatic cancer. Too soon?

I am back in the states! Yesterday I was at the bank using the ATM. A woman came out of the building and tells the guard, "Every time that door opens it smells like something is burning." First, it must be said that you need to imagine the voice of a stereotypical aged meddling white woman, slightly warbling and nasaly. Does she think that she is doing the security guard a favor by giving him a heads up? Does she think that her nose has caught a fire while their fire alarms ignore the blaze? So I turn, and mustering all of the fake concern I can manage, I say, "Are you sure you aren't having a stroke?" Her jaw has dropped. "Early detection can make a world of difference." I did manage to keep a straight face, which even I am surprised about. Instead of slapping me, or even talking to me, she storms off to her town car.