Monday

Sorry for the late post, but this one is dear to my heart.

I hate Geico advertising. I change the channel every time they have a commercial shown on television. I stop watching whatever it was I was watching because I avoid having any sort of interaction with their horrible ads. This anger all began with those damn cavemen. Nobody likes them, not even their mother. Why would they have a pilot picked up by a network? Yes, ABC picked up a pilot inspired by the Geico caveman, but thankfully did not buy any episodes. And that stupid gecko. Every time I see him (before I change the channel), I hope that something will fall on him, and his eyes will pop out. I think their advertisers had that same thought, so they took the eyes that popped out of the gecko and put them on a stack of money. I realize that all advertisers take clever ideas and run them into the ground. However, Geico reaches new levels of sadism with their regurgitated, stale ideas. Who keeps signing off on these commercials? Why don't they ask for something new? "It is new, the caveman is running around town while Nickelback sings a song, creating a dramatic music video look for the commercial. We've never done that before!" I want to junk punch you. I would even be willing to pay with a tooth.

Sunday

I want to junk punch Robert Pattison. And while he is writhing on the ground, I will rub self-tanning lotion all over his face. Sorry Abby and Jess.

By the way, I want to dedicate one day a week to nominations from other people. Are there any people in your life that need a junk punch? Vent it here.

Saturday

There was a young woman trying to get signatures for a petition in front of the shop Saturday. She was really successful from what I noticed. She wants equal rights for all. Did I mention she was in a wheelchair? My first thought: What a faker! I know she can really walk, but doesn't so she will get more signatures and make people feel like jackasses for using their fully-functioning legs to blow past her. However, as the morning progressed I noticed that her disability wasn't just limited to her legs. Man, am I glad I didn't go out there and accuse her of being manipulative. If that wasn't bad enough, my next thought: That is really funny, her wanting equal rights. If everyone was treated equally, then we wouldn't have to put in wheelchair ramps, or even take disabilities in to account.

In other words, I receive the Junk Punch of the Day. Ouch.

Friday

I went to college at Brigham Young University. They make you sign something called the honor code. It is a statement saying you won't do certain things and contains things like grooming standards. Just an example of how antiquated this code is: beards are not allowed, but moustaches and sideburns are allowed. In other words, the most creepy, pedophilic facial hair is acceptable, but not a goatee. Anyways, while I was there I did a fashion shoot with a couple of friends. In part of the shoot, the model had on a scarf as a top. I posted the pictures on Facebook. About 3 days later, I get an email from BYU's Honor Code Office saying that we need to talk. I am planning on leaving, because I have finished my classes and don't bother to set up an appointment, but returned an email saying that I could communicate over the phone. I had to do play ball because I did not have my diploma in my hand yet, http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,441382,00.html. Facebook also sent me a notificatioin that I had published something inappropriate and they had removed the picture. This narrowed the snitch to someone who was a friend on Facebook, and went to BYU. And, let's be honest, they are probably ugly or overweight female, and didn't like to see a beautiful body they wish they could have. This is the picture:

How scandalous! I am sure that people in the 1930's would be appalled! Back to the story. One of the Honor Code Office Counselors and I had a conversation as I was driving across Nevada. He thanked me for calling, and then asked me about the photos I had recently posted on Facebook. I explained that this was a artistic venture and that the model had been covered up and there was nothing pornographic, a word he used. He told me that if I wanted to challenge this statement, the board met in a month and I would have to write a report, blah, blah, blah. (meanwhile, I wouldn't have my diploma). He told me that the quickest way of dealing with this would be to just remove the photos, and asked me not to go on a witch hunt to find the person. I asked if he would tell me the person's name, but he refused. I told him that the US Constitution gives me the right to face my accuser, and that this institution has actually stripped away a constitutional right. Also, I said that there wasn't any "honor" in turning in a complaint about someone, and then hiding behind anonymity. Well, I unfriended most of my BYU friends, because I didn't especially like them anyways.

So, the Junk Punch of the Day goes to that Counselor, and the person who ratted. And I can now publish this post because I got my diploma in the mail 2 days ago.

Thursday

This is my very first blog posting!

Let's be honest, there are so many people who deserve a junk punch that narrowing the field to one a day is going to be difficult. Yesterday was Thursday, September 24, 2009. There are two main candidates for Junk Punch of the Day:

1) I work in a chocolate/ice cream/pastry store. A woman with an androgynous haircut walks in wearing a Charles Chocolates, based in SF, t-shirt. Clearly s/he will not have an ulterior motive for visiting, or at least will have an unbiased opinion of what we offer in the store. Nope. S/he, whose hair s/he has stolen from Jim Carey a la Dumb and Dumber, decides for some reason that I am interested in her opinion. Before I scoop ice cream, I dry off a scooper from a tub of water. While helping him/her I take a little too long making sure that I don't introduce water into the ice cream. S/he tells me that, "Real ice cream shops have little bins of water where the water runs continuosly." I cut her/him off, "Well, we serve real ice cream, so I would consider this a real ice cream shop." "Well," s/he says, "more serious ice cream shops have those little water bins." "And," s/he continues, "last time I was here the ice cream was too runny, now it looks too hard." "By the time you stop talking and start eating the ice cream, it will probably be the perfect temperature," was my reply. And then in my head, I junk punched her/him.

2) The person driving the hybrid in the fast lane going 55. So on a 3 lane highway there are two semis and a hybrid side-by-side-by-side. Junk punch!

Who is more deserving?