I have a number of junk punches to hand out.

I went to the Monsters of Folk concert in Oakland. The concert was very fun. While walking a block to the venue a homeless black woman walked past muttering, "You'd think it was a snowstorm, all these white people." For speaking the quote of the week, I am awarding her a junk punch to give to the person of her choosing. She will probably choose the government (they

are responsible for how she is), that b*tch who is encroaching on her territory underneath the overpass (skank needs to step back), or her competitor in collecting aluminum cans (and while he is writhing she will become the can czar).

While at the concert, there was a group of friends who decided that talking loudly would be appropriate. Remember, this is a folk show. Some of those awkward conversations were almost worth not being able to hear the music well. The chubby girl of the group had a crush on one of the more popular males of the group. Before most of their group had gotten there, she had said some sexually inappropriate comments his way, on top of trying to buy him a drink several times (rufies perhaps?). Turns out, she is dating the short chubby boy in the group, but is a friend of the guy she has a crush on. I am talking myself in loops, I'm starting to confuse myself. Anyways, the point is they were jackasses. I realize that they were at a Korn and Limp Bizkit show three years ago, and their tribal tattoos and multi pierced ears (hoops, if you were wondering) fit in to thatshow much better. Why did you pay $40+drinks to come to a folk show, and then talk through most of it? I want to junk punch you.

This man is crazy. CRAZY!! He is crazy to the point where I took his picture and didn't care if he saw me doing it. How did he begin the conversation you ask? Oh, he begins by telling me about a high-speed car crash that killed at least 3 pedestrians. No, it hadn't happened recently, he just wanted to tell me about watching America's Most Wanted recreate the scene... a few years ago. What a loon! Then he tells me that there is too much salt in the ice cream. And then he tells me to switch the chocolate we used to a company that has been started by WIRED magazine. That sounds like a great idea. We will switch from the chocolate that is awarded Best Chocolate every year, to a company founded by techies. What a genius!

I went to a Graduate School Portfolio Day. I saw something that actually made me laugh out loud. I couldn't get a better picture, and the pictures didn't translate well. Anyways, this girl. This girl thought that a great way to introduce herself would be with a tube top that is rouched all the way around, a size too small so it wouldn't slip down. If that tasteless piece of clothing isn't enough, she paired it with a structured harem pant. Think MC Hammer, but the pants had boning so the shape would be fully inflated at all times. Why stop at the pants? You shouldn't. She had on hooker/tranny/bondage boots. The heel was about 5 inches, but I guess you would call them a wedge because there was no negative space underneath the shoe. I can't imagine her thought process. She wakes up in the morning, gains her bearings, and realizes that because she partied a little too hard last at both the Bondage Babes gathering and the Transgender Society's Roast of MC Hammer Gala she now has no time to change before she goes and presents herself to prospective schools. What a reject.